Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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