If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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