She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
