just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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