you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
