Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
