You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
