there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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