I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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