Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
