I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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