You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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