If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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