im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
