i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
