i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
