Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
