By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
