my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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