I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
