But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Enjoy the penises
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
