We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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