4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
