Pregnant stripper...not hot.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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