I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
