Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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