you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
