please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
