My nipple is on Facebook.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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