did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
