Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
