I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
