I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
