Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
