Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
