i barfeds in our rink
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
