I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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