he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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