Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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