I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
