I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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