I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
