Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sarcasm needs its own font
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
