why didn't you poke me back
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
