I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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