I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
