First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
