My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
