I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
