Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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