I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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