YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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